Saturday, October 24, 2009

To cheese and rain

To cheese:

Oh, my dear cheese! I think our relationship has finally come to a screeching halt. It's true, I've loved you for many, many years, even during these last few years when you didn't love me back. I thought I had given you up for good, but then you'd come back every few months, tempting me to have just a taste of your goodness now and again. And I believed you. I really thought that this time you would change. Maybe this time I'd be able to finally live with you. But after last night, I have to tell you that it's finally over. You've broken my heart and made me want to vomit for the last time, I swear. So don't come running back, offering extra sharp cheddar or herbed goat cheese or an excellent Swiss. I've had it, I mean it. Leave me alone. True, I may dream about you from time to time, but that's all you're getting from me. Goodbye, cheese! And take milk with you while you're at it. Don't let the door hit either of you in the ass.

To rain:

Ok, dammit, enough of this already. You do nothing but bring me down these days. I'd like to say goodbye to you, too. It's all about you, isn't it? Nonstop, day after day. What about me? What do I get out of this? You make my car filthy, you create mud that gets tracked all over the back patio and into the house, and now you're starting to kill my lovingly tended little garden. My veggie plants can't take much more of you, and neither can I. Sure, you were great at first: providing a respite from what seemed like a never-ending dry spell, showering me with your gentle, loving embrace. I looked forward to your visits eagerly. It seemed everything around me responded to your touch, growing, blossoming, awakening. But now? You're here all the freaking time! Sometimes a girl just wants to be left alone, you know? You're overbearing. You show up in the morning, stay through dinner, and you never seem to know when it's time for you to go home. There are things I'd like to do too, you know. Like have a barbecue or a picnic in the park. But how can I, when you're always there? So pack it up, and head out with cheese and milk. Sun and I have been Facebooking each other lately, and I've realized how much I miss him.


  1. You've been in a relationship with CHEESE too? Why I stay with Cheese is beyond me,,,tempts me with constant variety...and oh so tasty.....and just so EASY to get. And god knows that I love cheese more than cheese likes me.... but how can you just break it off? I've tried, I can't do it, so I put up with the ABUSE day in and day out. Worst part is, if I was stranded on a deserted island and could only pick one LOVE..... cheese IN, blogging OUT.

  2. Cheese has been cheating on me as well!?! I knew it was too good to be true! Cheese is easy, has been all along. I was just too blind to see it. And even as I write this, I know, deep down, I still love cheese and would take cheese back in a minute if it showed up on at my door bearing a lovely bottle of wine. That bastard, cheese. I'm so upset with cheese right now, I can't even think straight. Or write properly. And it's raining, to boot.

  3. Quite right. Cheese is a cheating bastard. Ever read any Kenneth Koch (American poet)?