That Amy, she's a funny one all right!

I was asked by one of my regular clients to write a couple of stories about Ciudad Colon and interview some people who live there. I haven't had time just yet to write out interview questions, so my girl Amy obliged me by writing her own "interview," which I reprint here (with her permission, of course) for your enjoyment, changing a couple of the names to protect the guilty. Without further ado...

Raven: So Amy, what do you like about Ciudad Colon so much to freakin' live there?

Amy: Well, it's just a hop, skip, and a jump to CIMA's emergency room, and I try to make it down there at least once every six weeks. If I go in the middle of the night, there's hardly any traffic on the freeway and I can make the trip in about 12 minutes. It's awesome.

Raven: How about the local color? The local culture?

Amy: You'll have to repeat the question... the what?

Raven: The culture, the local scene, what's it like in Ciudad Colon?

Amy: Oh! Culture! I thought you said VULTURE. We have some of those. Well, we used to have a coffee house in town, and that was great. We'd go there all the time. Then some hippie types bought the place and opened a vegetarian restaurant. Really great food, but you know how most restaurants close on Mondays? Well, these freaks would close on Tuesdays, which made all the other places in town follow suit, and it totally fucked up my take-out schedule. I had to rearrange everything. So, I guess all in all the town rocks! Except the vegetarian people left, and now I'm back to ordering "pizza no cheese" again. I mean, granted, the most action you see around here is on Sundays when the bicycles come through town, which is awesome, they're sparkley, but who really needs more than that anyway? We have a fountain too. With trees.

Raven: Anything else you'd like to add?

Amy: Yeah, sure, the Post Office steals stuff from me. Can you put that in there? Those fuckers piss me off. And the furniture guy who keeps telling me he'll show up to make me new couch cushions, too... if you're reading this dude, I'm tired of waiting around for you! Plus, I should say, we used to have parties out here, too. But then [name removed to protect the guilty party] stopped drinking and we don't do those any more.

Editor's note: Girlfriend forgot to include our town's yearly tope, or horse parade, that clogs up the one road leading into and out of town, as part of the local culture. Perhaps I should make mention of it in my article?